Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Ten Aussies who deserve to join Symonds in BIGG BOSS 5

I have watched with amazement how Andrew Symonds has been made to enjoy his time at Big Boss Season Five – an Indian based television reality show. Around four years ago he was the country’s top most villain after “Sydneygate 2008” – a test match where he was the prime beneficiary of umpiring bloopers. While the Indian cricket team avenged that test with a 5-0 record over Australia in eight tests played subsequently; outside the cricketing field, Symonds has been having a ball and earning good money in India - first with IPL and then with BB5.

There is no doubt that Symonds is a perfect fit for that popular reality show; already known to house struggling artists, drama queens, publicity seekers, over-the-top actors, people with or related to someone with criminal records or plain controversy makers. Symonds with a record of suspension, expulsion and exclusion from the Australian team for disciplinary reasons was a great fit. The same can be said of ten more gentlemen from the Aussie cricketing fraternity who are perfect fit for Bigg Boss for their double standards, bullying techniques and controversy making abilities. Here they are:

10. Michael Slater: Has his name in India-Australia controversies after finger pointing, shouting and abusing Messrs Rahul Dravid and Umpire Srinivas Venkataraghavan – two of the humblest people on planet earth. His claim was that umpire or batsmen should not use their brains or sight but only agree with his opinion - that he took the catch and hence the batsman is out. Commentator Ian Chappel expressed surprise how the match referee allowed Slater to stay on and didn’t help him catch an early flight back home.

9. Mathew Hayden: Another bully who found ways to decide on-field incidences. Sydney altercation was between Andrew Symonds and Harbhajan Singh, but big bully Haydos was around to pull the strings and ensured he blew up the incident to proportions which even he couldn’t handle. His favourite food – “obnoxious weeds”!

8. Glen McGrath: He can abuse you, your team members, your mom, your parents, your sisters, about your sexual acts with team members to any length.. but, cannot say anything about his wife. Have you ever heard such rules while abusing in a street fight? McGrath creates them while abusing anyone and everyone. Roshan Mahanama’s book alleges him calling Sanath Jayasuriya “a black monkey”. So frequently did he bypass limits that even the ever cool Sachin Tendulkar had to shower expletives on him, after thumping him over-boundary. His USP - Master at pressurising umpires and getting SBW type horror decisions!

7. Steve Waugh: Inventor of the famous term “Mental Disintegration” and brand ambassador of the so called “Aussie spirit” – which says on field we can abuse you, but off field can drink a beer! Now, haven’t we heard this before – from college seniors during ragging, or from over dominant micromanaging bosses in office - essentially a bullying line. Mate, we would like to thrash you, abuse you, get umpires to give you horror decisions, get around match referees, lead a series 2-0 and then invite you to have a beer with me. Hope you join me! His USP – doesn’t like anyone else playing mental disintegration games with him but likes to spend time alone in the pitch… waiting for the opposition captain to turn up for the toss!

6. Daryl Harper: Inventor of the unofficial dismissal term SBW ie “shoulder before wicket” – need I say where it happened and with whom? Harper had to retire from umpiring after India had heavily criticized his performance in a test match vs West Indies. That’s wasn’t the first time though, English team and skipper Nasseer Hussain had once lodged a formal complaint asking his removal from any form of match officiating. He didn’t allow Bangladesh players to complain though and instead warned them from any sort of appealing while chasing their first test win vs last man standing Inzaman-ul-Haq. The players went into a shell and even offered timid appeals to plumb LBW shouts. Bangladesh cricket had to wait a long time before they went on to win their first test. Favourite food – “Anything Asian”!

5. Darrell Hair: Will find his place multiple times in cricket’s top controversies. In the nineties he was famously known as the umpire who no-balled Muralitharan, in the next decade he was known for granting a test match to England and accusing Pakistani bowlers of ball tampering and cheating with little evidence. Sissy boy had later retired claiming he was being racially discriminated! In between, he stood as the chief reason why the concept of neutral umpires was fast tracked into test cricket. His ineptitude should have been detected in his debut test though, when India, the better team, lost a nail biter at Adelaide 1992. According to Wisden, the test was “marred … by controversial lbw decisions – eight times Indians were given out, while all but two of their own appeals were rejected”. Favourite food – “Anything Asian”

4. Michael Clarke: Similar to Slater, doesn’t wait for umpire’s views, will himself decide on which catch was cleanly taken. Refuses to walk even after getting a thick edge flying all the way to first slip – the fact which forced the famous line from the otherwise ever-balanced Anil Kumble during Sydneygate 2008 that “Only one team was playing in the spirit of the game”. Clarke’s standing, despite being cleanly out vs England at Gabba, had also generated hot-spot controversies. But when he walked, the Australian vice captain actually flew away from New Zealand, abandoning his team, mid-tour, to join his hot fiancĂ©e Lara Bingle, who was involved in a nude photo controversy.. some drama this! His other USP – high publicized dressing room bust-ups with team mate... right Simon?

3. Ricky Ponting: Wants to be counted amongst the best in history of the game despite having a test average of 26.8 at India! (Would Rahul Dravid have been counted so had he averaged this number at Australia?). Cry baby, will call Interpol to investigate whenever he sees a subcontinent pitch expected to generate spin. That’s because he probably lacked spine and was only good with his index finger – in declaring batsman out just because Michael Clarke claims he caught the catch or rudely gesturing an Indian cabinet minister to hand over the trophy. Has had altercations with just about everyone and has smashed dressing room television, window glass and doors! His USP – facing rookie under-21 age group bowlers - Harbhajan Singh 2001, Ishant Sharma 2008!

2. Greg Chappell: Inventor of the underarm delivery and pioneer at publicity seeking. Had an active set of fingers – middle for the people of Kolkata, thumb for sending smss of the team’s secrets to journalists and rest of them, to email BCCI. The team, which he was himself managing. Had famously termed Sachin Tendulkar and Sourav Ganguly as running the team like a “mafia”. ACB recently sacked him after players termed his influence was ‘caustic’ and that he was driving people ‘mad’ to the point that players had to ban him from the dressing room. His USP – taking top cricketing teams and getting them to give their worst ever performances – India 2007, Australia 2010. Also converting all-rounder’s to bits and pieces players .. right Irfan?

1. Shane Warne: Receiving gifts in cash from bookies to leak match related information (in other nations its termed and punished as match fixing), cheating on his wife multiple times, harassing smss with South African blonde, lewd messages to British nurse resulting in loss of vice captaincy, newspaper published photographs of the Sheikh in underwear romping with a pair of naked models, multiple times separation with wife, banned for drug taking, smoking issues, drinking issues and overweight issues. If that’s not all, swearing unlimitedly, and a master at pressurizing opposition and on field match officials. Have a look at the numerous times Warnie goes ooh and aaah after the short wide ball went one and half feet outside the offstump. Warnie’s oohs and aahs will give you the feeling it missed the off stump by a millimetre. His USP – Born in Australia! Had he been born anywhere else he would have been banned from the game long time ago.

Time for Indians to knock out the Aussies in 2012!

Agneepath (path of fire), it sure will be!


  1. I'm not going to comment on every of your outrageous statements although I disagree with this entire article.

    First, coming to the SBW, I have seen the video several times and I've felt that the umpire had made the correct decision. Here is a screenshot - - the ball is perfectly in line with the stump and Tendulkar is definitely out. Read the rule for LBW properly and it clearly states - "Despite the word leg in leg before wicket, the rule applies if the ball hits the batsman on any part of his body, except for the glove of a hand in contact with the bat (which is considered part of the bat).". Thereby, it implies that the umpire had definitely made the correct decision.

    Coming to your comment on Ricky Ponting - Ricky Ponting is definitely one of the best players ever, much better than Tendulkar. One simple reason - Ricky Ponting scores when the team needs his contribution(example, World Cup Final, 2003). He is like Gilchrist, saves his best for the big occasion unlike Sachin Tendulkar (whose aggregate score in World Cup Finals comes up to 22). Ponting was also the highest run getter in the decade 2000-2009 which implies that he has been a better player than Sachin Tendulkar when both the players were at their peak.

    In very blunt terms - Ponting - Legend, Tendulkar - Sub-standard player ; expert at smashing rookies.

  2. Andy@your views are respected. Congrats for the deserved victory today. Thanks for reading the piece.

  3. Andy@am not sure, how can you judge player's greatness on such uni dimensional axis? If you really want to compare, compare on the basis of the entire history...well if you say Tendulkar is sub-standard then am sure Sir Don is doing a twist in his grave.
    Nothing in this article, justifies the action that the Mighty Aussies (then) had taken. With Aussies I can safely say 'with power comes dictatorship & murder of sportsman spirit'.
    Well the less you mention about Mcgrath its better. Remember one of the sledging incident with Sarwan? I mean, what audacity!
    The sledging occurred when Sarwan, on his way to racking up a match-winning second innings century, responded to McGrath’s efforts of getting under his skin.

    McGrath: “So what does Brian Lara’s d*ck taste like?”
    Sarwan: ” I don’t know. Ask your wife. ”
    McGrath (losing it): “If you ever F**king mention my wife again, I’ll F**king rip your F**fing throat out.”

    Except for SBW, I think rest all are facts which is hard to digest for sure...this is the problem, no one can face the Truth so vividly explained.


  4. Addressed to Nilotpal and Avjit Das Patnaik

    Yes, McGrath shouldn't have indulged in such a conversation. I'm not much aware of these things as in any sport, I don't usually follow a player's off-field activities / in-field off-match activities as the case maybe.

    Coming to Sachin Tendulkar, I apologise for my statement of him being sub-standard. I just let my emotions take control over my fingers when I read that Ponting is an "expert at bashing U21 rookies". Ponting is a player whom I've been admiring since I was an eight year old, entertaining me to the utmost extent possible for the past nine years and I just couldn't take it when I saw someone make that statement. So, I apologise for my earlier statement on Tendulkar.

    Clarifying my statement, I do agree that Tendulkar is a good batsman, but definitely a batsman only in the same league as other contemporary greats such as Ponting, Kallis, Hayden and Dravid and in no way is the God of cricket. He is a highly talented player who lacks pressure-handling skills.